Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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