either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
