He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
