you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
