Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
