she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
