Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
