i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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