Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
