I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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