dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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