Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
