dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
