new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
