I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
