Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
