I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
