i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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