nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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