she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
