I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
