Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
