what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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