nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
someone get that fucking seahorse.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
