I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
