Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
