Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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