i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize