And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
