i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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