I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
