what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
