Plan B is the new Plan A
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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