If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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