No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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