I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
