shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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