Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
