I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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