I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I got inside last night via doggy door
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
