after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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