omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
