Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
