i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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