birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
