2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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