I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
