I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This toilet bowl is my home.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
