oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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