So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
