Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
