You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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