u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
