a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You may now shotgun with the bride
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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