Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
