I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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