Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
