did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
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You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
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