I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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