forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
