i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
