i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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