so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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