I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
