you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
