We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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