Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
