I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
