I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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