You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
