i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
