are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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