Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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