bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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