It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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