my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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