i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
