I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
