I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
