Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".

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(904): View more from Florida

I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...

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(843): View more from South Carolina

fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits

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(910): View more from North Carolina

ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.

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(224): View more from Illinois

Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table

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(678): View more from Georgia

Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.

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(425): View more from Washington

Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk

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(585): View more from New York

Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.

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