How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
