i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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