dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
