if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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