Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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