I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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