then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
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