she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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