i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
