I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
my liver is dry heaving
All I want is dick and wine.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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